Sunday, July 29, 2012

Getting Judged


This is how I'm going to start this blog. I've had it stewing in mind for all these months--there are countless things to say when you're starting out with your first horse and making mistakes and learning. But I'm beginning at a landmark, so pardon me if things get nonsensical or weird. 

But here we go. 

First off, I cannot stand being judged which I recognize has become something of a character flaw. I don't think I have a superiority complex or the idea that I am never wrong, but I really take things too personally for my own good. This made school just next to impossible for me and it's likely I missed out on a lot of opportunities, blah blah. But really, being told your flaws is not fun, period, but being a lazy perfectionist means it feels super degrading and like I am a hopeless piece of shit. Even if critique is only to better oneself, I just take it too far, and it's insane. 

You learn in life that anything you find difficult or complicated you will be able to avoid. But eventually you will have to face its ugly face directly, and you think you're fucked, but it turns out that you're not. 

When I got Cheyenne I was excited to work with her, to strive for something. To make goals, to reach them, to pat ourselves on our backs. While it is solidly possible to do these things without more official meters like the show ring, if you're in a schooling environment,  showing is going to be very encouraged. 

With good reason, too. An objective judge can give you new insight on your training, reinforce your strengths and maybe throw a curveball topic to work on. 

So ANYWAY we rode in a Dressage show today. Two tests; Intro Level Test B to get our confidence up and Training Level Test 1 to show off what we're truly working on as a team. 

Yay us, because we placed first in Intro Level. Admire Cheyenne:
It was a dream ride, especially considering we hadn't spent a considerable amount of time riding this test. Which, honestly, showed because our comments were that our accuracy could use some improving. I have a hard time remembering just where transitions are, so thank god for directions like "between E and K," but even then I get things mixed up. In that case, I would make the transition right at E which is absolutely not the same thing as doing it in between. 

While more advanced tests gradually ask for more accuracy, following directions is also awesome, and having that much space to transition is a GIFT, so let's use it while we have an excuse to! 

Our Training Level test was not our best, nor was it a complete loss. Again, accuracy. We need to work on our balance and communication, keeping steady tempo and not thinking too far ahead. 

Cheyenne still challenges my skill and authority and also my patience. She's a sensitive and sort of whiny creature and unfortunately I am prone to cooing "oh baby, what's wrong? You wanna stop? Sure, you sweet angel, anything for you!" In reality, Cheyenne is probably often faking to get out of work. She has a history of doing this, I hear. There are little things that happen through every ride that are part of this issue: is she about to keel over or is she just being pissy? This is frustrating and causes me to look like an idiot momentarily, or at least feel like one. That was the kind of ride we had today in our second test. After a week's worth of hard preparation, she was probably very tired and very over it. 

Conditioning, my friends, conditioning. And always, love and respect.

It was a good experience. I'm going to do it more.