Lameness issue just about solved. She had very hidden thrush in her hoof! I feel so awful; a relatively simple fix and yet there were no clear signs. It must've been very painful. Once we found it, I cleaned her hoof and through the frog up to the back of the hoof very deeply. I have to say the smell was just below rotten meat. Ugh. It seems to have more or less disappeared, and she's moving much more gracefully. However, she is very much the type to learn what gets her out of work, and since this put her on a lot of off-time, she's not at all happy that we're back at it.
There were a few months a little while back where I was able to work with her every day, and dare I say it, she may have begun to enjoy the work and the exercise. Setbacks happen, shitty schedules happen, and then things fall apart a bit. I'm horrible at understanding the way things like this work. I refuse to accept that there is an ebb and flow, and I take it very personally when things aren't perfect.
Last week she lived in her own private paddock! Usually she lives with about ten other horses, in a huge pasture. It's pretty muddy, while the paddock is nice and dry; she stayed there so her thrush could dry up. She's never spent the night in any other situation, so imagine our surprise to find that she was thrilled at the luxury suite. And suddenly, it was like she was a totally different being: snuggling, being playful. Even almost enjoying work again. I work awfully inflexible hours at my job, and I was stressed at how this winter would be at all productive. I wouldn't get to the barn until it was dark, and it didn't strike me as appealing to haul myself through the pasture and other horses with only the light of the moon and maybe a flashlight to guide me. Not to mention bitter cold, ice, and the other absolutely horrific things that come with the season.
She's now in a run-in stall with one other horse. As of yesterday, she was not pleased. Were I a horse, a run in would be so ideal! A place to get cozy in inclement weather, and then the wonderful outside, both at my disposal. Cheyenne is simply unsure about leaving the stall part. She thinks I've left her in a tiny box to rot and be miserable, and she tells me about it. She even tried to bite me when I wouldn't let her out. And yet, Cheyenne, if you take three steps you will have sunshine, grass, hay, and even a buddy.
At first I was so extraordinarily heartbroken that my horse is not a big puppy dog who loves me all the time no matter what. But I always knew this about her and really all horses. I recall also how needlessly and pointlessly mean and cruel I was to my mama when I was 13.
Sorry mom.
Anyway. Good and bad news come from these weird two weeks.
Her sudden bad attitude has changed the scope of our together time. Once I began treating the thrush, she was much better under saddle.
Our usual Tuesday night lesson was frustrating at first. We have trust issues, which I have yet to expand upon--but I need to. In short, I'm familiar with the gravel..on the ground.. of the jumping arena, and I just haven't been able to build my confidence there again. But it's jumping season, and although I have this lingering fear, I want to participate! The lesson began with Cheyenne absolutely refusing to ease in. I felt her tension constantly; she would not stay on any sort of track or circle. She made me nervous and frustrated. Finally, I gave up. I sat back and watched and moped. I watched and realized how fun jumping really looks--and is--so I pushed away all of the bullshit I can't seem to shake, and we jumped the full perimeter of the arena.
I can't even tell you how huge this is! But the point of this blog is to do that, so please know, this was huge! The biggest hurdle I have as a horsewoman is confidence. I have the skills there, I know what to do, but I'm terrified of all of the potential negative outcomes. For some reason I was able to move past this. Cheyenne benefitted, because I think she truly loves jumping.
As we walked back up to the barn, I felt her to be completely relaxed. I was just so happy, I felt so at home on my horse for the first time in a few months.
Yes, it's a bad habit to teach her, but after we go on walks down the road (which is something she does not like...), we gallop back up to the barn. It's just so fun! But for reasons I'll go into later, that's not something I've been remotely interested in doing.
I felt her ask a little bit if we could do that again. I let the reins forward and let her do whatever she wanted; she broke into a gallop immediately. Her ears and head were up, and I couldn't stop smiling.
It was such a good lesson and good experience, even if the first 40 minutes felt like nothing but an argument. I expected us to be on the up and up, but a few days later her attitude turned. And I don't really know why. She's mare-ish, she's stubborn.
I just have to remember to love her anyway, and work with it, not against it. And certainly not walk away.
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